


I'm Finally Home

by wordsarelifealways



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Isak gets a bit emotional, Isak reflecting on his life, M/M, characters watching Sense8 s2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:19:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: Isak and Even watch Lito's speech at pride in Sense8 and who would have thought a 17 year old Norwegian related to a fully grown Mexican man so strongly?





	I'm Finally Home

**Author's Note:**

> The way I've written this means that this DOES include spoilers for this scene of Sense8, in case anyone hasn't had the chance to watch it yet and doesn't want to be spoiled on the scene that made me cry!

When Isak gets home from work he’s dead on his feet.  All he wants is to strip off his clothes and crawl into bed with Even and sleep for  _at least_  12 hours.

So when he stumbles into their room and finds Even on his laptop wiping his tears away with the sleeve of his hoody, Isak’s heart sinks through the floor.

“Baby?” He drops his bag without a second thought and crosses the room quickly.  “What’s wrong?” Isak asks as he crawls up the bed to his sniffling boyfriend.

“No, no, it’s- I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m just watching something.” Even shakes his head, laughing tearfully and wiping at his eyes some more and relief has Isak flopping into the mattress with a groan.

“You had me worried for a second.” Isak mumbles, his voice muffled into the duvet.

“Sorry.” Even gives him a comforting rub between the shoulder blades and Isak melts even further into the mattress.  He’s pretty sure he could fall asleep like this.  Even if he is still in his outdoor clothes.

“I think you should watch it, actually.” Even says casually, rubbing Isak’s back slowly.  Isak’s definitely going to fall asleep if Even keeps doing that.

“Nooooo, Even, I’m too tired to start a new show.” Isak shakes his head, still face down on the bed.

“No, not the whole show, but I think you should watch this scene.” Even persists.

“How long is it?” Isak peaks across at Even, reluctant to move.

“Not even five minutes.” Even says after a few seconds of scrolling along the timeline at the bottom of his Netflix screen.

“Okay, okay.” Isak concedes.  “But I gotta change first.” He heaves himself up into a sitting position with a groan and Even gives him a sympathetic smile as he looks around for his sweats.

“Hey, I got it.” Even says, and before Isak can ask what he means Even has sprung into action.  He moves his laptop from his lap and leans over to Isak.  Even unbuttons Isak’s work shirt with nimble fingers and pushes it from Isak’s shoulders, leaving him in just his undershirt, before pushing Isak down gently so he can get his jeans off.

Isak smiles weakly, too tired to fight this babying, and allows Even to strip him of his jeans and slide his sweats up in their place.

“There.” Even drops a warm kiss to the tip of Isak’s nose and then sits back up against the wall of pillows he had clearly spent the evening perfecting.

“Thanks.” Isak mumbles as he gets himself under the duvet and cuddles up next to Even, peering at the screen curiously.  “What show are we watching?”

“It’s called Sense8.” Even replies.  “You ready for Lito’s big moment?” Isak nods, curious to see what on screen magic brought his boyfriend to tears this time.  Even hits the space bar and Isak settles in for the next five minutes.

Isak’s immediately overwhelmed by the pride parade taking up the entire screen.  It looks like thousands of people showed up, and there’s no dull colour anywhere in sight.  It’s everything that Isak circa 2015 was terrified of being associated with, but something now that makes Isak’s heart ache with longing.

The giant rainbow coloured balloon arch makes him think of Eskild, and the thought makes him smile to himself.

And then the guy, Lito, starts to talk, and Isak can’t look away.

 _I want to say that I am very honoured to be here._   A tense pause as he stares across the screaming crowds of people.  _That is not true.  To be honest with you, I have never been as scared as I am right now._

And Isak can see himself in this man.  He recognises the sad eyes and the feeling of pure terror in the face of all these people who are out and proud and loud about it.

 _All of my life, I have had to pretend to be something I wasn’t_.

Isak thinks of all the girls he hooked up with for the sake of appearances, all the mechanical kisses and the few handjobs that made a part of him curl up and die every time.

Lito looks over and the camera pans to a – _fucking gorgeous_ – guy with his beard dyed in pride colours.  The boyfriend, Isak suspects.  He nods encouragingly, mouthing words of support and looking at Lito with so much love that Isak can’t help but look up at Even.

He loves Even so much.  Does Even understand that?

Looking back to the screen, Isak can feel his heart rate speeding up.  The music is rising with Lito’s quick breathing.  The crowd is dead silent as he psyches himself up to say something.  Even the balloons seem still.

Isak sees it, _recognises_ it, the terrified elated look on the guy’s face as he readies himself to say the words.

 _I am a gay man._   He almost whispers it into the microphone, but to Isak it’s as loud as a bell.  The crowd cheers at his words and Lito sighs with relief, and Isak thinks of a cold afternoon sat on a bench with the words ‘it’s not a girl’ hanging between him and his best friend.  Words that Isak had been so afraid to say for so long, but didn’t seem to faze Jonas at all.

Lito almost doubles over, gasping with relief.  _I have never said those words in public before_.  And then it’s like the dam is broken.  _I am a gay man!_   He exclaims it over and over, louder and louder, and Isak swears he can feel those words thrumming in his blood.

 _Why did I have to be so afraid to say that?!_   He demands, and Isak’s whole body tenses up.  He remembers a hundred instances of people telling him the things he liked were gay or that he acted too gay and the way it sent fear slicing right to his core.  Even now, years after, recalling those words sends a fissure of fear down his spine.

He remembers painfully clearly how scared he had been to come out to his friends after a lifetime of equating being gay with all the wrong things.  Remembers staring at Mahdi and Magnus in the empty classroom and trying not to hyperventilate, shooting desperate stares over at Jonas for help.

Remembers the almost accusing tone in Magnus’ voice when he asked if Isak was gay and how Isak had immediately shut him down even though he’d been trying to come out and he’d had to stutter back over his words.  ‘Maybe I’m a little gay’.  And here he was now, cuddled in bed with his boyfriend in their shared flat.

 _Because I know that people are afraid of people that are different from them.  And…admitting that I am different, and refusing to pretend to be something that I am not may cost me a career of pretending to be things that I am not, which is…kind of crazy when you think about it_.

_But I did.  For years, I was living inside the fake world of the movie set.  Never daring to imagine that one day, I might be brave enough to do something like this._

And Isak’s chest aches.  It hurts like a purple bruise being prodded; a dull ache that goes right through you.  He knows that feeling.  He remembers how fake his life was, how carefully choreographed _everything_ he did was in order to shield the part of him society had convinced him was shameful and wrong and disgusting.

He fumbles under the duvet for Even’s hand and clings onto it.

Even clings back just as hard.

Lito grins breathlessly and turns back to his boyfriend, who looks startled to suddenly be the focus of attention.  Lito goes over to him and takes his hand, and at the way the boyfriend gasps Isak knows it’s the first time they’ve done something so publicly.

Isak vividly remembers those moments with Even.  The timid – terrified – touches slowly pushing Isak’s boundaries of PDA as a young gay man.  Moments that made him so thankful for Even’s seemingly endless patience.

Isak watches, enraptured, as Lito pulls his overwhelmed-looking boyfriend up onto the platform he had been speaking on.  The crowd is cheering and whistling and waving huge rainbow flags and Isak can’t look away.

 _This is Hernando_.  Lito introduces his boyfriend to the world.  _He’s the love of my life_.  Lito’s voice breaks.  Isak thinks back to all the little introductions of Even he’s ever done, from the big to the small.

He forgets, sometimes, how scary the word ‘boyfriend’ used to seem.

 _I am a better, braver person because of him._ Lito and Hernando are stood face to face, almost resting their foreheads together.  Isak smiles, knowing that while Lito might be addressing the whole parade the words are spoken only for Hernando.  He and Even have done it a hundred times.

 _And whatever it costs for me to be able to do this, I know in my heart that it is worth it._   The music is rising again and Isak’s heart races with it.  And then they kiss.  Nothing explicit; a chaste press of lips together and an arm wrapping around a lover’s waist, but Isak knows a kiss that changes a life when he sees it.

He remembers lazy kisses in the kollektiv’s kitchen, the words ‘man of my life’ whispered between them.

Slow languid kisses in a glass elevator with Oslo spread out beneath them.

Hesitant terrified kisses in the misty rain out of Nissen when he thought Even was lost to him forever and the words _you are not alone_ being breathed against Even’s skin.

Their first chaste kiss in public in front of their friends, and the thousands that had followed.

Isak watches as Lito dips Hernando mid-kiss, and he lets out a shaky laugh.  Such a cliché move; one he’s honestly a little surprised that Even hasn’t tried with him yet.

The kiss doesn’t last long.  Lito breaks away and yells into the mic that it’s time to party, and Isak watches in awe as confetti erupts from the float and countless balloons are let go.  The camera flashes across various pride partiers, optimistic music in the background.

As the camera returns to Lito and Hernando sharing another kiss amongst the throng of people on the giant float, Isak listens to the singer’s words.

_I’ve finally made it home._

The scene plays out with more partying, but Isak’s eyes are focused on Even.

“I’m at home with you.” Isak whispers.  He can taste salt on his lips when he speaks but he doesn’t care.  He doesn’t know when the tears slipped out, doesn’t recall crying at all, but he isn’t surprised by them.  Even looks down at him, his blue eyes glassy with tears he managed to keep in.

“You’ll always be my home, baby.” Even leans down and presses a kiss to Isak’s lips, chasing the taste of salt.

“Always.” Isak promises.


End file.
